On our ‘Engaging People Powering Companies’ podcast this week, Amrit talks about his summer of activities.

While they were all exciting, fun, and celebratory, he acknowledged that still, the thinking brain goes to that place of ‘when all this ends, I can get back to routine and to what needs to be done’. However, this thought is not the most helpful because the one thing we can always bank on is that there are always things that sweep in and create that environment of uncertainty and change. Of that we can be certain!

Well, I resonate, let me tell you. The last two years of my life have been the most uncertain and stressful I have ever experienced, and while I won’t go into the details and don’t have a holiday in the Middle East to share with you, I do ask that you take my word for it! In fact, my life is unrecognisable now to what it was then. Amrit shared that perhaps we do more damage when we get caught up thinking ‘when all this is over, I’ll be able to rest’, or ‘I’ll get to that thing then, when this passes’, especially if ‘that thing’ is self-care! I think he is right. What if we could take what we need when we needed it. And more than that, actually be able to identify what it is we need.

Our brains crave certainty, stability, routine - we love it. And when life is up in the air, we still soldier on and try and be our best at work, even though our very foundations are being shaken to their core. While we might not be able to say this about everyone, it has certainly been true for me. I’d also go a step further - I have actually been known to berate myself for not being on top form. Helpful?! I think not. Why do we do it to ourselves?!

From an engagement point of view with our teams and employees, we must accept that sometimes things will be going on in people’s lives either physically or mentally, which means they will have an off day, or two, or ten! The best they will be able to muster on these days might be very different to what we have experienced from them at other times. If they have decided to push on and fight the battle to just get to work, then the likelihood of them being able to be present let alone at their best, will be a challenge – but they’re trying! Stress and feelings of being overwhelmed are real and is a part of being human. Adam Grant (Organisational Psychologist) shared on LinkedIn that ‘in humans’ variability is a feature not a bug’ along with this image: 

Variability is a feature, not a bug. Amen.

I am a huge fan of Brene Brown (you may have noticed!) and she says in her book ‘Atlas of the Heart’ “I’d always assumed my emotions responded to my body freaking out. But really, my emotions are responding to my thinking assessment of how well I can handle something”. We need to navigate change and uncertainty all the time, and if we are treating our responses to these things as a bug (or malfunction), and berating ourselves then it is likely to be far more painful.

Brene also shares that high levels of perceived stress correlate with more rapid aging, decreased immune function, greater inflammatory processes, less sleep and poorer health choices (anyone reached for that glass of wine when the stress is on? No, me either).  

So maybe the best thing we can do for our teams and employees is to help them feel like they can own what it is they need. To connect to that rather than the conditioned response to stress and overwhelm of ‘must push on’. When we are experiencing overwhelm Jon Kabat-Zinn (American Professor) describes it as the feeling that ‘our lives are somehow unfolding faster than the human nervous system and psyche are able to manage well’. He also suggests that the antidote to overwhelm is mindful play, no agenda or non-doing time. If only we had been taught that and allowed ourselves the permission to do so.

Being our authentic selves is partly knowing what we need and embracing it. Sometimes it could be throwing ourselves into our work, and that might be the best thing in the world in that moment. Sometimes resting and doing something totally unrelated may be required. But to do either and feel like you have the support required, is reliant on a healthy, open, and honest relationship with the person in charge. Without this we push through, and research suggests that this is terrible for productivity and decision making. I would also argue that it isn’t great for working relationships either.

Amrit shared a quote by Oprah Winfrey saying, “the greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change their future by merely changing their attitude”. Brene says that stress and overwhelm is about our thinking narrative of our emotional and mental depletion. Maybe then, by supporting the people we work with, to tune in to what it is they are experiencing and helping them to feel that, whatever it is, it’s perfectly human. This acceptance may help them to change their narrative, embrace what they need and accept their (varying) best for that moment, in a healthy, authentic way and appreciate their employer more along the way!